14 January 2016, 9.15 am
I am being interviewed by BBC Radio Solent. The reason I got this job is that it is a mid-day, mid-life, middle-class magazine programme for folk who are bored of early retirement and can’t afford to go skiing or round-the-world cruising. A magazine programme takes a gentle look at current affairs, and also interprets the term “current affairs” rather loosely. It replays its gentle observations as a background to listeners’ attempts to rustle up a cheese and pickle sandwich. So we are not talking here about a hard-hitting debate on substantive patent law, or on the political and economic impact of global harmonisation, or on the interplay between the UPC and Mr Cameron’s EU referendum. We are talking about what to do if you have a Good Idea while you are eating your cheese and pickle sandwich. Also, let’s face it, this is Radio Solent, not CNN. The Solent is the region where Mr Davies and the EyeEyePeePee live. It is the region they often cannot get out of because even the local train drivers sometimes cannot be bothered to get up in the morning. It is not where world-changing incidents and paradigm shifts tend to come from. Its residents don’t sit down at mid-day, turn on the local radio and think, “This is where the rest of my life begins. I’ll just eat my cheese and pickle sandwich first.” Because I have to go to the airport later today, I am doing a “pre-record”. This is a technical term. It means they get me out of the way early and hope that by mid-day something interesting will have come up instead. It means that the producer can cut out the bits that sound tedious or stupid before Radio Solent unleashes me on the cheese and pickle sandwich-eating public. But I have done Media Training so I know I have to have a key message and also that I must communicate that key message come what may. “Good morning,” says the presenter. She is a very nice lady, but she has just had some traffic problems on the M27 so she is not in a mood to be messed with. “Good morning,” I say cheerfully. “Chartered Patent Attorneys are BRILLIANT!”
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