6 January 2016, 3.30 pm
Now we are on the second document of the meeting, which is the revised updated Strategic Plan. We have been revising and updating this document for some time now. Every time we revise and update it, people on Council say This is not the right way to revise and update it, and we have to go back and try again. It is possible that what they are actually saying is We do not like this document at all really, but that they are being characteristically polite and restrained. Let us take up the action at the point where Mr Davies and several of the officers are banging their heads against the table and weeping. - I have a whinge I mean question about the timescales. - Go on. - Why do we only start this task at the end of 2016? - Because we will be doing other things at the start of 2016. - But we should be doing this all the time anyway. - Yes but we can’t do all these things all the time because we only have a finite number of staff and now and then they like to go home for their tea. - And do we just stop doing this other task half-way through 2018? - Yes, because then we start doing something else. - But what if we haven’t finished doing the first task? - Then we will do it a little bit more. - But how will we know when we’ve finished? - Because we will have achieved the stipulated outcome. - But how will we prove that we’ve achieved the stipulated outcome? - We will have to think about that when we start work on the task in question. - And how will we go about achieving the stipulated outcome? - That is also something we can think about when the task in question comes up. - There are rather a lot of tasks. - We are hoping to get rather a lot done. - But are we suddenly going to stop doing rather a lot half-way through 2018? - By then we will have reviewed and updated the plan and we will have some more objectives for the second half of 2018. Maybe even 2019 too. - It doesn’t say anything about 2019 in here. - No, because it’s a three-year plan. - But three years from now takes us to 3.30 pm on 6 January 2019. - Yes and if we carry on nitpicking over this document, we’ll need objectives for 2020 too. - But it’s vital to get this right. Our members will want to know we’re doing important work for them. - Like quibbling over the list of important work we plan to do? - But we should be doing it all the time anyway. Why do we only start this task at the end of 2016? - Because we will be doing other – oh, for heaven’s sake! - There are too many tasks, that we should be doing all the time and not stopping doing half-way through 2018. - That’s why we’ve prioritised them. That’s why we are planning to do some this year, and some next year, and some in 2018. - And some in 2019? - Yes, potentially some in 2019 as well. - But it doesn’t say anything about 2019 in here. - It’s a three-year plan!! - I have another whinge I mean question. - Go on. - What does “Council will be more diverse” mean? - It means our Council members will be more diverse. - How can a Council member be diverse? - No, Council as a whole will be more diverse. - But how will we achieve that? It doesn’t say here how we’re going to achieve that. - We are going to have quotas for Council members from Oop North and from inner city suburbs and also from psychiatric hospitals and drama schools. - It doesn’t say that in here. - No, that’s because I was being sarcastic. - We should explain what we mean by all the timescales and outcomes and objectives. - And the sarcasm? - Will we suddenly stop being more diverse half-way through 2018? - Yes, and then we can start on another project, like getting rid of diversity again. - Was that also sarcastic? - Yes, that was also sarcastic. - There are too many objectives anyway. - OK, perhaps we shouldn’t have objectives. Perhaps we should just get on with Being Council and not mess around trying to achieve things. - That would be more proper. - Except that we have just removed the bit in the Bye-laws about Council’s role. Because it was bollocks. Therefore we have nothing left to do apart from the objectives in the revised updated Strategic Plan. - It doesn’t say in here about Being Council. - Well spotted. I will add it immediately. To start now and end half-way through the next century. - But why should we only start now? We have been Being Council since ages ago. - OK. To start in 1891 and carry on until the world ends. By which I mean the universe. Unless otherwise provided by the Charter and Bye-laws. - I have another question. - Surprise me. - Some of these objectives should not be high priority. - That is not a question, strictly. - But some of them should not be high priority. - Which ones? - We should be doing them all the time anyway. Why do we only start this task at the end of 2016? Mr Davies has that look about him that says: if you send me back to the drawing-board one more time I am going to boil my head in a kettle and never come to CIPA Hall again. - I have another question that is not a question. - Yes? - We should have SMART objectives. - I hear what you’re saying. But these are strategic objectives, not operational ones. The operational ones can be SMART. The strategic ones should be high-level and outcomes-focused. - “Strategic” is management-speak. - You mean bollocks. - So is “outcomes”. Council should not concern itself with management-speak. - What should it concern itself with then? - It should get this document right. I still don’t see why we only start this task at the end of 2016. We will have to keep Mr Davies away from kettles for the foreseeable future. Fortunately, it is usually Unlucky Gary who makes the tea, not Mr Davies, because Mr Davies is too busy revising and updating things.
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