5 August 2015 On the menu today: biscuits from the EyePeePee, with a meeting of the Congress Steering Committee on the side; lunch with the other Officers, with a discussion about CIPA strategy on the side; coffee with the EyePeePee and two of our new Council members, with a talk about Council on the side. I wish people would stop filling my refreshment breaks with meetings. The two new Council members tell us that although it is sometimes quite fantastic being on Council, it is also sometimes quite hard to get a word in edgeways. They tell me about a system for running meetings which involves having one person to make sure you keep to time, and another person to make sure you keep to the agenda, and a third person to tell participants to shut up if they are carping on and on about something tangential to the issue at hand and making everyone else cross. I think this is a great idea. I say Bagsy the job of telling participants to shut up. They say You already do that anyway. On which note, we head back for an actual Council meeting. At which, as the Chair, I am at least in theory responsible for keeping to time, keeping to the point and keeping the peace. To complicate matters, there will be a tube strike later, so everyone will want to go home early. I resolve to make it an ultra-short meeting and this will call for some extreme chairing and I am not sure our insurance extends to extreme chairing but I will give it a whirl anyway. I locate the ceremonial gavel to help me keep order. Near to the ceremonial gavel I find a ceremonial mallet. I do not know why we have a ceremonial mallet. Perhaps it is for when we need to erect the ceremonial tent, for instance if we are doing an archaeological dig to find some long-forgotten AGM minutes. I decide it will be useful to have a mallet as well as a gavel, because sometimes a gavel is just not enough to keep 26 patent attorneys on track. I begin the meeting by glaring round the table and explaining how it is going to work with the ceremonial gavel and the ceremonial mallet. I remind people about the tube strike and about how I have been away from home for three days and am going to get back to my family tonight if it kills me. Some of the more competitive Council members take this as an invitation. But we do indeed have the fastest Council meeting I can remember. Helped by the fact that everyone else wants to avoid the tube strike too. This is roughly how it goes: Me: Is everybody here? Good. Me: Does anybody have any conflicts of interest? Good. (We always have to ask this. Nobody actually knows what it means. It is something to do with Governance.) Me: You’ve read the minutes of the last meeting. I presume you approve them. Good. Me: You’ve read the papers for the next item. I presume you’re all OK with them. If not, email your comments to me next week. (I will be on holiday next week.) Me: Good. Next item. Mr Davies: Wait; I haven’t finished writing about the last item yet. Me: Write “ditto”. Me: Next item. You’ve all seen the proposal. Email your comments to Mr Davies. (Mr Davies squeaks.) Me: Good. Next item. Nothing to report. Me: Next item. You’ve read the committee reports. The Business Practice Committee wants us to approve its new member. Anyone have a problem with that? (Fierce look.) Good. Me: Next item. You’ve all read the officers’ reports. Aren’t they exciting? Me: Next item. List of people wanting to become members of the Institute. Any objections? Good. Mr Davies: Wait! Me: Get a move on, man! We haven’t got all day. Me: Date of next meeting. 2nd September. See you there. Bye! And I am off. You cannot see me for dust. And straw, of course. Ten minutes later, Mr Davies finishes writing the minutes. He can embellish them with discussion points next week.
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