1 March 2016, noon
The highlight of today is a meeting of the Approved Regulators’ Forum, or ARRRF as we say doon ’yur in the Wess Curntry. The ARRRF is where the top people from CIPA, ITMA and IPReg meet to explore, at the highest level, the extent and the implications of their mutual misunderstandings. Usually it is a fairly sombre affair. Sometimes it is a fairly heated affair. CIPA and IPReg have a history of mutual misunderstandings that, to be honest, they have had to work quite hard together to sustain. But today’s meeting is different. The Chairman of IPReg, Mr Heap, is retiring and this is his Last ARRRF. Which is a bit like the Last Larrrf, only not, but happily for Mr Heap it means this is the last time he will have to meet with CIPA Council members except six stiff drinks into his retirement party. Today Mr Heap is not interested in exploring misunderstandings. He is too busy admiring the farewell cake that the ITMA Pee and I have presented him with. I have tried to convince people that the ITMA Pee and I made this cake together, but the Patisserie Valerie® box is a bit of a give-away. And anyway the cake looks just too elegant to have been anywhere near a domestic anti-goddess like me. Mr Heap is well chuffed with his cake. We all stand round it and have our photos taken to show that the extent and implications of our mutual misunderstandings are insufficient to interfere with our appreciation of patisserie. Then Mr Heap points out that we still have to eat our main courses before we’re allowed cake, and there is an awkward moment when the mutual misunderstandings almost get the better of us. We learn that Mr Heap would have liked to be a chef, had he not become an IP regulator with a shedload of mutual misunderstandings to deal with. Looking at the way he wields the cake knife, I can quite believe that; it makes me relieved we have put our misunderstandings aside for the moment. We all agree the cake is splendid, and therefore could not possibly have been made by the CIPA Pee. The ITMA Pee says the custard stuff is particularly splendid. This shows that unlike Mr Heap, he is never destined to be a chef. The VeePee takes minutes, but there is a big custardy gap in them while he enjoys his slice of cake.
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