12 March 2016, 4 pm
On 11 May, I will change from a Pee into an EyePeePee. I am into my final two months. It is an odd feeling, because although I can’t wait to have a bit less to do, I have also got very used to being the Pee. I have been invited to posh places that I wouldn’t normally be allowed within a mile of, and talked to eminent people who wouldn’t normally have stood next to me because of the straw. I have also got used to having stuff to grumble about. I have got almost as good at grumbling as Professor Sir Robin Jacob QC. I just hope being the EyePeePee has a bit of comedy value, otherwise what will I write about? That brings me to another point. I told people at the gala dinner that when I stopped being Pee, I would sleep. This is almost certainly true. But it is not the only thing I will do. The other thing I will do will be get back to publishing my Not-so-Secret Diary blog. I had to stop when I was Pee because someone complained that my writing was undignified and inappropriate for the President of a Chartered Institute. But when I am no longer President, I intend to be as undignified and inappropriate as I can (subject of course to the IPReg Code of Conduct). And believe me, there is plenty of material stored up, from the undignified and inappropriate moments I have lived through during the eight months since I stopped the blog posts. So, how will I spend my retirement? Publishing and being damned, of course. As opposed to being the CIPA Pee and being damned. And what will I do in these final two months? Shall I go for broke, now it’s too late for them to expel me? Now I know the Gold Leaf Man is on his way to add my name to the board of Past Presidents? Tomorrow I shall make a bucket list. But this is one document I am not going to run past the VeePee for approval. He will only say I’ve done it in too much detail. Let it be a nice surprise for him, when he becomes Pee and discovers the little “situations” I’ve cooked up. Actually, one of the things on my bucket list surprises even me. I have a sudden yearning to wear the Presidential swimming gala medal. I think it is ugly, and it does not match any of my outfits, and I would not want anyone important to see me in it. But perhaps the once, before I leave this post for good, I ought to take the opportunity to put it on, and take a selfie, just to say I’ve done it. Let’s face it, in five years’ time no one’s going to believe this really happened.
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