4 May 2016, 4.50 pm
I am just about to close the meeting when Mr Poore says that he has another item of Any Other Business. My instinct is to be fierce about this, because people should declare their items of Any Other Business beforehand like they are told to. But it turns out that this item of Any Other Business involves Mr Poore telling me I have been quite a good President, in some respects anyway, and at least I have been it with a sense of humour, and also I have not been dead, so in fact there is plenty for CIPA to be grateful for. He says I have got a lot done, which is a euphemism for my having ploughed tractor tracks through several of the committees. He says I have persuaded people to be nicer to IPReg than they were naturally inclined to be, and that it is just possible this has had a good effect on our relationship with regulation, although we must give it a few more years yet. He also credits me with one or two things that I don’t remember doing, or indeed distinctly remember other people doing, which is kind of him, and I don’t like to embarrass him by offering corrections. It is a lovely speech. But I am slightly worried by the notes Mr Poore is making it from. They take the form of a bubble diagram, with a maze of manic spider-lines between the bubbles and a lot of scribblings and crossings-out. The bubbles I presume represent the many different parts of CIPA I have meddled with. The manic spider-lines represent the essentially unstructured approach I have taken to the meddling, and the large number of trip hazards I have generated along the way. The crossings-out represent the things that Mr Poore decided, in the end, were better left unsaid. A tear comes to my eye when I think of the effort he must have expended to put a positive spin on this year of unstructured namby-pambiness and trip hazards. He is my Best Friend Forever. The others are not moved to tears, but they are moved to go for a drink. I am not the only one consumed with relief to have reached the end of my Presidential term: the whole of CIPA is about to exhale very deeply. The EyePeePee asks if I would like to join them for a drink. When I say I would actually rather go home she gives me an understanding look and offers to drink a spare gin and tonic on my behalf. This is proper teamwork. The EyePeePee can also be my Best Friend Forever. Then Mr Dixon offers to buy me a drink as well. Mr Dixon has regarded my entire presidency – possibly my entire time on Council – as one big mistake, and I know that once he has bought me a drink, he will waste no time in elaborating on this topic. Mr Dixon and I will never be Best Friends Forever, I fear, because he has absolutely sussed my ineptitude. I expect he will buy an extra drink for the EyePeePee instead. Like I said, teamwork.
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