5 September 2015
It is time to write another speech. This year, because I am Pee not VeePee, I have to give the opening speech at Congress. I am, essentially, the warm-up act. And they have told me no straw this year, we have not lived down last year’s yet. I open a new blank document on the computer. It does indeed look very blank. I save it as 150905 congress speech v1, ever hopeful that there will be a v2 and a v3 that are actually worth saving. I pause to collect my thoughts. There are not many to collect, and none of them relate to the speech. I give the document a title. And a footer. I save it again, in case there is a power cut. There is a pause, which even Windows® 10 seems unable to take care of. I alter the font size in the title. Then the colour. I save this too. You never know when the power might go down. “Ladies and gentlemen,” I write. “Welcome to Congress.” Save. Pause. “I hope you enjoy it.” Save. Pause. “Please turn your mobile phones to silent. The fire exits are behind you (I think). There is free wifi. There are biscuits. Don’t forget to visit our sponsors in the exhibition hall..." Pause. "...or they will be sad." Sometimes you just wish the power would go down.
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