5 October 2017
I am busy enjoying my first day of obscurity (which is another term Mr Davies used in his text message, there being no emojis for abstract nouns either, although I am sure Apple® are working on it). I am thinking: my Not-so-Secret Diary will now have to be called the Not-so-Secret Diary of a CIPA Nobody. And I am quite enjoying that thought, because you can get away with a whole lot more when people know for sure that none of it counts for anything. Shortly after my obscurity begins, however, the new VeePee writes to me from her pink-and-purple desktop. She says that she and Mr Jones are thinking about going out again to Meet-the-Members and their biscuits, like Mr Davies and I did when I was VeePee. She says perhaps I might have some good ideas about how to do this, now that I have had the chance to sober up. I try to remember what it was like. I seem to recall you need a very thick skin (for when the members tell you how rubbish CIPA is); and a very warm heart (for when they tell you they love CIPA anyway); an insatiable appetite for biscuits; and the bare-faced cheek to invite yourself to everyone’s offices for tea. You need a massive supply of Red Bull®, an excellent SatNav, a sturdy suitcase, a pair of boots that you can walk miles in without arriving looking like an advert for a dry stone walling course, and a hugely organised diary. Plus somebody at home to pick up the pieces when you arrive back late and tired, cry a bit and then start packing for the next trip. I say to Ms Florence: Of course, it is more efficient if you meet with several people in one place. But if you really want to know what makes our members tick, and what challenges they face, and what they want CIPA to do about it, nothing beats turning up at their offices and helping yourself to their biscuits. I do not add that if you must meet with several people in one place, you should make sure that place is not a bar. Because actually what happens then is that they tell you all their deepest secrets, but by the morning you have forgotten everything. Whereas you have meanwhile told them all your deepest secrets, and they have not forgotten.
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