27 July 2015
Today I send 164 emails. No, really: I do. The only thing stopping Mr Davies from coming straight over to the Wess Curntry to kill me is that he is off ill with food poisoning. I suspect his inbox is not making him feel any better. The problem is, I am working from home. When you work from home you have to keep writing emails, otherwise people think you’ve stopped working and ask you to do things like shopping and cooking and listening to inane jokes. It is amazing how productive the threat of another knock-knock joke can make you. Most of the emails I write are part of an elaborate procedure for getting wacky ideas onto the desks of other people who are content to let them sit around gathering fluff, rather than on my desk where they absolutely have to be done YESTERDAY, which is just exhausting, for all concerned. So far this year I have dispatched about 90 ideas to gather fluff on Mr Davies’s desk and about 40 to Mr Lampert’s. Quite a few are with various committees, including the Education & Professional Standards & Fluff Committee, the Joint Business Practice & Fluff Committee and the Administrators & Fluff Committee. Ultimately, they all end up on Unlucky Gary’s desk. The ideas, that is. Not the committees. 28 July 2015 Mr Davies sends me 165 emails. No, really: he does. Twelve of them arrive before I have even got out of bed. I guess this is revenge. I guess Mr Davies is not feeling ill any more. I put them at the back of my desk to gather fluff. Hah!
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