10 March 2016, 10 am
I meet the new CIPA coffee machine. There are some other people at the meeting, too, for instance from the IPO and UKTI and the Ministry of Justice. But I am not really interested in them; it is the coffee machine I wanted to meet. It is shiny and sleek and, well, stately. And it is all lit up like it’s happy to see you, which is unusual in CIPA meetings. This is like having a new friend. For a patent attorney, anyway. The people from the EyeEllSee, who have been campaigning for a new friend like this for years, coo delightedly. They are no longer the least bit concerned about the meeting agenda. One of them says he knows all about coffee machines because he is a mechanical engineer. I say this is not a power tool. It doesn’t have spark plugs in it. The steam that comes out of it is for the cappuccino froth, not to drive pistons. But he is not listening. He is cooing. Ten minutes in, the coffee machine suddenly issues some gurgling noises and starts making drinks of its own accord. And hey presto there’s a cup of coffee, only without the cup. One of the EyeEllSee members immediately jumps up to tend to it. Solicitous cooing ensues. I do like a coffee machine that shows a bit of initiative. This is also unusual in CIPA meetings. Our agenda, which neither the EyeEllSee nor anyone else is the least bit concerned about now that there’s a coffee machine to play with, is to do with promoting the UK’s IP professions abroad. We are going to write a brochure saying how good we are, much better than the Germans, and Mr Lampert is going to make a cartoon video showing us being better than the Germans, and the IPO and their friends will travel around the world spreading these messages for us, except not in Germany, obviously. We cannot, however, finalise our messages until after the EU referendum. Only then will we know whether our brochure is to say: “The UK – A Most Exclusive IP Forum” or “The UK – A Most Excluded IP Forum” or simply “The UK – We’re Still Here, By the Way.” It is my job to write up the notes and action points from the meeting. I suspect they will be mainly about the coffee machine.
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