19 November 2015, 6 pm
We have just listened to a rather disturbing talk about Alzheimer’s Disease. From this I learnt that although I cannot remember why I stood for CIPA President, I still have a great deal to be thankful for because I can at least remember that my favourite drink is a gin and tonic, so my brain has not completely stopped functioning, only the bits to do with CIPA. I retreat to my hotel room and reach for my favourite drink to cheer me up. In the minibar, to my delight, there is a mini-bottle of Brecon Gin. Brecon Gin sounds a little bit special to me. In the circumstances, I cannot not try it. It does indeed taste good, and it is a fitting way to celebrate the fact that I am now exactly six months into my one year presidency. So even though I cannot remember why I stood for President, it doesn’t matter because now I am on my way to not being it any more. I put my feet up and reach for the glossy coffee table brochure which the hotel has considerately left out for me. On the coffee table, of course. The brochure is about all the lovely spa treatments you can get. The type of thing you might try if you were stressed but wanted to be relaxed like the VeePee returning from holiday. Unfortunately, the spa brochure means even less to me than the lectures on biotech patents. What on earth is a “herbal steam temple”? What are “medicinal chakra muds”? Or how about “hot lava shells”? These, apparently, release your “blocked energy”, thus “providing a sense of balance to the entire body and mind”. They also allow you to release quite a bit of financial collateral, providing slightly less of a sense of balance to the credit card account. Or, for an even higher price, higher still at the weekend than midweek because hot lava shells have Special Powers at weekends, you can combine your hot lava shell energy-unblocking experience with a glacial ice therapy, which tackles congestion areas, stimulates the lymphatic system and eliminates toxins. And also makes you feel cold. (You can put your glacial ice therapy straight in my glass of gin therapy, thank you.) The treatment rooms in which you undergo these lymphatically redistributive experiences have “soft ambient lighting” (for which read inadequate numbers of light bulbs and one or two candles); “aromatic scents” (air fresheners); and “luxurious electronic therapy couches” (workstations, surely?). They “ensure total privacy” – which is useful considering you are, by all accounts, wearing little more than a borrowed towelling robe by this point – so that you can feel “rejuvenated, restored, and relieved of all stress”. Perhaps the VeePee actually just came here, and didn’t go to Japan at all? OR you can simply go for a swim. Presumably the pool is also full of luxurious, sensual, toxin-releasing, rebalansifying marine energy sources. And for these prices, there would have to be dolphins in there too. It must be possible, I think, to unblock your blocked energy without having to sell your kids to raise the capital. I finish my gin and head off for dinner.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
July 2019
Categories |